I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
