I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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