My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
