oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
