so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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