At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
