I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
