It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
