he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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