Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
