Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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