Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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