i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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