Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
