That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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