Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
