everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
