Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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