I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
