woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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