yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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