whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
