"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
