last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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