I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
