i think i have two assholes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was like eating out sand paper
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize