I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
