I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
