and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
