If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
