i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you made out with another girl for some wings
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
