dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
