i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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