I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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