Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The adults are the big ones right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
