rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
