Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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