I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
