so let's talk penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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