Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
