and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
