I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
