white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize