I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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