sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We're too hungover to prance.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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