I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
