she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
