i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
