when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
