Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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