There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
