I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
