if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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