So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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