God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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