I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
