Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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