I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
