I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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