apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
