Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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