what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
