So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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