I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
