i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize