literally had 100 drinks last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
