the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
