So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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