Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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