I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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