Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we're making bets on your personal life
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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