mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
