Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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