I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
