Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wish my penis had a tongue
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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