Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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