No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
