If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
