but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
