Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
