I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
