he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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