Jerry, you need to find god
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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