You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
