Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
