let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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