It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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