i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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